Oh, do brace yourself, mate, because here we have another heart-stoppingly thrilling episode on AEW Dynamite results May 17 gracing our screens tonight at, you guessed it, 8 pm ET on TNT. I know, I can barely contain my excitement too.
So, they’ve decided to set up shop in the Moody Center, down in the sun-soaked plains of Austin, Texas. As if that wasn’t thrill enough, apparently there’s a HUGE Announcement from TNT, probably about the price of tea in China or something equally riveting. In the ring, we’re going to see Chris Jericho duke it out with Adam Cole’s chum, Roderick Strong, in a Falls Count Anywhere match. And it’s about to get even more interesting because Cole and the JAS lot have been given the boot from the building. What a catastrophe, eh?
In another corner of this fine circus, Ricky Starks and Jay White will finally stop squabbling on Twitter and actually confront each other, face-to-face. Then, Jamie Hayter, Dr. Britt Baker and Hikaru Shida are ganging up to take down The Outcasts. Because, well, why not?
Plus, Jungle Jack Perry will be scrapping with RUSH, while another one of MJF’s Double or Nothing challengers, the enigmatic Sammy Guevara, will apparently be “in action”. Still trying to work out if that means he’ll be wrestling or doing some light origami. Oh, and Don Callis is going to have a chinwag after he threw Kenny Omega under the bus last week. How thrilling!
Be sure to mosey on back here at 8 pm ET when the Dynamite live blog kicks off once the circus… I mean, the show, starts on TNT. And it will be, drumroll please, right below this line here. I know, the suspense is killing me.
So sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show. I mean, what else could you possibly be doing tonight? Really.
AEW DYNAMITE RESULTS
All alone in the desert, I had two options: take a flying leap of faith or do the sensible thing and leg it. Admittedly, I did sell my granny to get a glimpse of those pearly gates. Arms waving in surrender, folks. Someone’s only gone and pinched heaven, leaving just the creator and the created. And me? I’m sat here, poised with my laptop, bringing you every twist and turn of this fine spectacle of grown men in tight outfits pretending to smack each other around.
Cue the intro video. Picture dramatic music, flashing lights, and an adrenaline rush you haven’t felt since you found that last biscuit in the tin.
Enter our dear Wardlow, dressed in what looks like he’s raided the local charity shop, and wielding a microphone like it’s Excalibur.
He tells us that last week, Christian Cage made all sorts of promises that got his hopes up. So much so that he’s now challenging Christian to come down to the ring and spit in his face. Charming.
Speak of the devil, Christian Cage and his loyal sidekick Luchasaurus come striding in. Buckle up, folks, it’s about to get a bit more interesting. Well, one can only hope. Show continues tonight on AEW Dynamite results May 17.
Cage squares up with Wardlow
Christian Cage steps up to the plate, facing off against Wardlow. They’re at each other’s throats, verbally at least, our mate Wardlow practically falling over himself in anticipation of the promised spit shower. You can’t buy this level of entertainment, folks.
Finally, Christian musters up a good old gob of spit, but Wardlow, quick as a flash, grabs him and goes hell for leather on poor old Luchasaurus! But our hero Cage isn’t down for the count just yet. He delivers a low blow, probably bending a few rules in the process, while Luchasaurus lands a big boot!
Cage gets stuck in with some good old-fashioned punching, while our Jurassic friend fetches a ladder. Casual. Cage then nearly takes the TNT Champion’s head clean off with it! As you do. Not content with just the one display of brutality, he then shoves Wardlow through the ladder propped up in the corner!
The twisted remains of the ladder are then flattened in the ring, and Cage gets Wardlow in his grasp… Cue the KILLSWITCH ON THE LADDER!
Remember that thrilling news from earlier? The chatty blokes on commentary assure us we’ll be hearing from Don Callis later tonight. Oh, the anticipation! I can hardly wait.
AEW Dynamite results May 17 is quite a show so far.
Darby Allin & Orange Cassidy vs. the Firm (“Big” Bill Morrissey & Lee Moriarty)
Cassidy and Moriarty are up first, dancing around each other like two badgers at a disco. Cassidy, living up to his lazy reputation, delivers a half-hearted slap to Moriarty, then whips out an arm wringer like he’s a seasoned laundress. Next thing you know, his hands are in his pockets, as if he’s looking for loose change. There’s a leapfrog, a monkey flip, and a kip-up! They’re really spoiling us now.
Tags are made, collars and elbows are locked, and then it’s time for Morrissey to ragdoll Allin around the ring like he’s a stuffed toy.
Big Bill, the numpty, is demanding a test of strength, because that’s a smart move. Darby promptly sends him to the floor, Lee joins the fun, then gets back body dropped for his troubles. Orange makes a sneaky tag and they deliver a pair of beautiful suicide dives that have the Firm sprawled out like sunbathers. Cue the break, just when it was getting good!
Back from the adverts, Big Bill’s giving Orange a taste of his own medicine, making a mockery of him. Moriarty’s clinging onto him like a persistent flea, floating over a suplex. Things go pear-shaped, and there’s a tag to Allin. Double springboard back elbow, charging backsplashes, but eventually Big Bill nails him with a Bossman Slam! what a show on AEW Dynamite results May 17.
Cassidy’s back in, zipping off the ropes, connecting a satellite DDT and kipping up! Lee tries a sneaky schoolboy pin, then unleashes the Eye of the Storm into a Border City Stretch. Cassidy, pondering his Beach Break, tags out instead, and they take to the ropes. Morrissey is laying them out like fresh laundry!
Cassidy pulls off a Stundog Millionaire and Darby follows it up with a Yoshi Tonic! Beach Break on Lee, Allin heads for the top rope, and an Orange Punch floors Big Bill! Coffin Drop from Darby, and he lifts him up to drive a point home…
Darby Allin & Orange Cassidy win by pinfall with a headlock takeover from Allin on Lee Moriarty.
The Young Bucks, the dynamic duo themselves, are being interviewed in the car park. Must be a slow news day. They say Kenny Omega is a bit worse for wear, but he’ll live. Lovely bit of camaraderie there.
But wait, what’s this? The Blackpool Combat Club are on the scene and suddenly it’s all kicking off. A good old-fashioned brawl ensues, and the Jackson brothers are smashed into a truck! Because who needs a ring for a wrestling match, right?
Jon Moxley, ever the opportunist, snatches a camera and declares they’re the only real elite in this business. I can’t say for sure, but I think he might be hinting at something.
Meanwhile, Wardlow’s holed up in the trainer’s room having a cosy chat with Renee Paquette. Enter a rather peeved Arn Anderson, towel in hand. Perhaps he’s off to the gym?
No, he’s flinging it at Wardlow, the poor soul. Apparently, Wardlow had asked him to keep his distance because of ‘what happened’ – which, to be honest, could mean anything. Arn wants to know what Wardlow’s next move is.
Ever the showman, Wardlow says he’s going to beat Arn at his own game and challenges him to a ladder match for the title at Double or Nothing! All in a day’s work, I suppose.
And with that titbit of excitement, continue soon on AEW Dynamite results May 17. we’re off to another break
Exodus Prime vs. Sammy Guevara
Guevara nimbly avoids a lariat, fires off a knee strike, and bangs Prime’s gavel before you can even say ‘guacamole’. Blink and you’ll miss it.
Sammy Guevara clinches victory with the GTH pinfall. Bet Prime didn’t see that one coming.
Post-match, Sammy gets a bit sentimental, like he’s at a pub after a few too many. He takes us on a trip down memory lane, back to when he wrestled on the indies in Texas. Oh, how he’s battled to be here. He admits he’s not perfect, he’s made plenty of blunders. We’ve seen those first hand, bless him.
But sometimes you have to take the scenic route, and it seems his GPS is now firmly set for Las Vegas on May 28. That’s where he’s going to shut the haters up. His heart tells him that at Double or Nothing, he’ll be the new AEW World Champion. I’m getting all teary-eyed.
We get a taster for the AEW World Championship match at Double or Nothing. Hold onto your hats, folks.
Enter Jay Lethal, Jeff Jarrett, Sonjay Dutt, and Satnam Singh, strutting their stuff like a boy band past their prime.
Lethal grabs the mic to call out Tony Schiavone but gets jumped by FTR from behind! It’s like a playground fight, except with a belt, torn trousers, a chair and a missing shoe. All the ingredients for a Saturday night out.
FTR get Jeff in the ring, but Karen Jarrett, ever the devoted wife, delivers a low blow to Wheeler! Then there’s a chokeslam, some stereo El Kabongs, and suddenly it’s all over.
Renee Paquette corners Darby Allin for a backstage natter. He reckons that his victory was a direct message to Maxwell Jacob Friedman. No smoke without fire, right?
But wait, here comes Sammy Guevara, all heartfelt and sincere. Apparently, Allin’s advice to stop being a follower resonated with him. Now, they’re united in their quest to prise the title from MJF. Cue a friendly fist bump and a “may the best man win”. What a show, tonight is great folks. AEW Dynamite results May 17.
Dr. Britt Baker, DMD & Hikaru Shida vs. the Outcasts (Ruby Soho & Toni Storm)
It all kicks off with a bit of a barney, as Storm flings Shida into a nifty little headscissors move from Soho. Bit of an unorthodox move, but it seems to do the trick.
Shida, not to be outdone, suplexes Ruby into Toni and then proceeds to pummel her with a barrage of punches in the corner. Lovely stuff. She follows this up with a missile dropkick and an enzuigiri on Storm, then tags in Baker.
Enter the good doctor, doling out forearms like it’s going out of fashion. She chucks in a rolling elbow, a swinging neckbreaker, and gets a two count for her troubles.
But what’s this? Saraya is tripping up Britt, then a cheeky baseball slide knocks her to the floor. While the ref is otherwise occupied, Saraya starts throwing cheap knees around like she’s in a discount sports store.
With Baker down and out, Toni decides to chuck her into the barricade for good measure. Then it’s back into the ring to give Britt a bit of a booting before we cut to the ads.
When we return from the break, Baker and Storm are both struggling, as if they’ve had one too many sherries. They manage to crawl to their corners, and fresh tags are made.
Shida comes charging in, throwing forearms around and reducing Soho to a quivering wreck. She’s like a woman possessed, laying into everyone before flattening Soho with a sliding elbow. She’s not done there, as she fights off Storm and Saraya, then jumps off the middle rope to flatten all three Outcasts.
Back in the ring, she’s running off the ropes and delivers a knee for a two count. A Falcon Arrow follows… but no joy! The match descends into chaos, Ruby reverses Lockjaw, No Future connects, then Toni’s in. Storm Zero is reversed into an Air Raid Crash, off the ropes, and a Blackout connects.
Saraya’s distracting referee Stephon Smith, Toni gets the spray paint and – would you believe it? – sprays Britt in the face. It’s all kicking off!
The Outcasts win by pinfall with Storm Zero from Toni Storm on Dr. Britt Baker, DMD.
Chris Jericho vs. Roderick Strong (Falls Count Anywhere Match)
The bell rings and Strong dashes out of the gate faster than a whippet with a bum full of dynamite. A volley of elbows fly from both parties before poor Jericho’s even had a chance to shrug off his entrance jacket.
Strong lays into him with chops and forearms in the corner, but Jericho rallies, returning his own set of chops. A spirited trade-off ensues, as frenzied as a car boot sale on a Sunday morning. There’s a big kick, a back suplex and a two-count cover – it’s all go!
They end up on the apron, where Jericho suffers a back suplex onto the apron, followed by another cover on the floor… but it’s a no from him. After a floor chop, the two of them rise and proceed to trade forearms. It’s like a butchers’ convention.
Chris, resourceful chap that he is, hurls a water bottle at Strong, then flings him back into the ring. More kicks and forearms in the corner follow, before a failed attempt at a Codebreaker and a blocked fireman’s carry gutbuster.
Jericho then tries for a Liontamer, but has to settle for the Walls of Jericho, leaving poor Roddy trapped in the middle of the ring like a fox in a henhouse. Roddy, showing commendable fortitude, manages to force the break and then we’re off to the ads.
When we return, Roddy is introducing Jericho to a guardrail on the steps. They end up battling out into the concourse, where Chris, not to be outdone, employs a beer can as an improvised weapon, before suplexing Strong through a table.
In the midst of the snacks section, Roderick turns the tables and suplexes Jericho into the counter – didn’t know he was on the menu! They end up in a stairwell, where Jericho finds himself on a ledge over the stairs. A bit more chop trading, a two-count cover, and then Roddy is thrown back over the railing onto the concourse.
Jericho, armed with a padded chair, is hot on his heels, but is met with a bucket of cutlery thrown by Strong. This fight has more cutlery than a canteen. Chops and forearms fly once more, before Strong faceplants Jericho into a soft serve, pausing to help himself to a generous handful of the stuff.
Just when we think it couldn’t get more bonkers, the lads end up staggering out of the doors… and who should appear but Adam Cole! He lays Jericho out on the grass, lands the Boom and Roderick follows it up…
Resulting in Roderick Strong, the wily old fox, securing the win by pinfall with a flying knee. Oh, the humanity! AEW Dynamite results May 17.
“Jungle Boy” Jack Perry vs. Rush
As the bell rings, Perry gives a shove that could wake up a hibernating bear. But, oh dear, Rush doesn’t take too kindly to that, and out of the ring goes Perry! Chops are dealt on the floor like a street vendor with a grudge, and Jungle Boy finds himself tossed into the barricade more times than I’ve had hot dinners. A gory cut opens on his brow and Rush, never one to miss an opportunity, goes after it like a bargain hunter at a January sale. And then, just to keep us on tenterhooks, we’re off to the adverts. back on AEW Dynamite results May 17.
Returning from the commercial break, Jungle Boy seems to have located his inner jungle cat, full of fiery determination. In the turnbuckles, there’s a bit of jostling for position, some chop trading, and a few headbutts courtesy of Jack that sets up an avalanche Frankensteiner! Not one to sit idly by, Jose the Assistant tries to trip Jungle Boy, but alas, can’t keep him from locking in the Snare Trap! It’s like watching a squirrel tackle a python. Rush, desperate, crawls for the ropes and somehow forces the break.
The fight continues on the apron, with Rush delivering a slam to Perry that’s heard all the way in Houston! Back inside the ring, Rush tries to get Perry in position for the corner knees but, wait, what’s this? Jungle Boy’s survival instinct kicks in…
“Jungle Boy” Jack Perry wins by pinfall with a schoolboy pin.
“Switchblade” Jay White vs. “Absolute” Ricky Starks
White starts off with a headlock, like he’s giving a friendly hug. He’s shot off and, would you believe it, bails to the floor! Back in, and Starks is kicking at him like he owes him money. Starks follows, returning to the ring, only for Jay to greet him with a swift kick and a follow-up uppercut – how utterly charming. A whip across, and Hot Shot connects for two! The arena echoes with the smack of big chops, a whip is reversed, and lo, a back body drop connects, prompting Starks to pose like he’s on the catwalk!
They’re back to the floor, with White serving chops like he’s a sushi chef. Starks, not one to take a beating lying down, reciprocates with a dose of apron smashing and a series of hard punches. All of a sudden, Juice Robinson appears, running interference like he’s missed his bus, allowing Switchblade to suplex Starks into the apron as we cut to the commercial break.
Returning from the ads, Starks is running hot, his DDT attempt gets denied but manages to deliver a belly-to-belly suplex! Switchblade comes back with a Rock Bottom, but only gets two. After a brief tour outside and back in the ring, Ricky tries a small package… STILL NOTHING! He manages another nearfall, attempts a Roshambo which gets blocked, Blade Runner denied, and finds himself in a pinning predicament for yet another nearfall!
Ricky charges off the ropes, and the spear connects. The Roshambo attempt is blocked with a cheeky eye gouge! With the referee suitably distracted, Juice grabs a chair, but Starks ducks it and hits him with it instead! Jay turns around, Ricky decides to go for it…
But it’s “Switchblade” Jay White who walks away with a win by disqualification.
THE ELITE ARE HERE, AEW Dynamite results May 17.
Back from commercial, our dear friend Tony Schiavone is ready to grill Don Callis in an in-ring interview. Callis, making an entrance as dramatic as a silent movie, strides down the ramp lined with more security than a royal wedding.
Tony, in his most serious ‘journalist’ voice, asks him, “Why?” – really groundbreaking journalism there, Tony. But Don, ever the twist in the plot, decides he’s going to steer the narrative in another direction. He doesn’t want to chat about why he did what he did to Kenny Omega. Oh no, he’d rather talk about what Kenny did to him. The gall, right? He spins a sob story, painting himself as the lone victim in this scenario, certainly not Omega.
He whines about everything he did for Kenny – the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, the Omega and Jericho showdown at the dome, and on his first night here, Kenny clinching the AEW World Championship. In short, according to Don, without him, Kenny Omega might as well be a ham sandwich.
And, speak of the devil, in storms Kenny Omega, bashing his way through security to get to the ring, only to be ambushed by the Blackpool Combat Club from behind. Jon Moxley, adding insult to injury, lands a Paradigm Shift on the ramp, and they march to the ring like they’ve just conquered Rome.
Moxley grabs the mic and essentially declares ‘game over’, scoffing at the notion that Kenny and his band of merry men could ever touch him. Apparently, they’re the real Elite – who knew?
But lo and behold, the Young Bucks decide to join the party, hobbling from their earlier beatdown but brandishing a trash can full of fun and games. They each grab weapons… and wait, is that…? YES, it is! “Hangman” Adam Page, rocking an eyepatch and looking like he’s ready to fight pirates, has decided to join the Elite once more! And just like that, they charge the ring and go toe-to-toe with the Blackpool Combat Club! Omega clouts Wheeler Yuta with a trash can lid and the Bucks follow up with a BTE Trigger.
Page, from the apron… BUCKSHOT! The Hangman seizes the mic and plants his flag firmly alongside Kenny and the Bucks, declaring them the true heart, soul, and spirit of AEW. They, my friends, are the real Elite! So, he warns, better run and hide because, at Double or Nothing, it’ll be the Elite vs. Blackpool Combat Club in an Anarchy in the Arena match!
And that, ladies and gents, is all she wrote for tonight. Stay classy, wrestling fans.
For more, visit the direct website for AEW, by clicking here!
FAQ
Well, Hangman Adam Page, sporting a dashing eyepatch, made quite the entrance. Surprised?
If by “settled” you mean “escalated to a new level of chaos”, then yes, definitely.
While we didn’t see flashing lights, there were definitely some sore bodies post-match. It ain’t ballet, folks.
Christian Cage and Wardlow, ever the artists, made sure the ring had a taste of the action. New decor trend?
Let’s just say everyone’s a winner when chaos is the name of the game. But on paper? Check out the results above.
