Wondering who won? Who lost? Or what grades we give each match? Read on!
Well, well, well. Here we are again, stuck in the quagmire of yet another AEW Rampage episode that’s been shunted back a day because of those ice-hockey blokes. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? What would life be like if wrestling had to perpetually kowtow to the whims of the NHL schedule? Imagine that for a moment. Scary thought.
Now, on this suspiciously sunny Saturday, we had a right mixed bag of fights. A veritable smorgasbord of knuckle sandwiches and powerbombs. For starters, we had Brian Cage and his newfound partner-in-crime, Swerve Strickland, clashing against the dynamic duo of John Silver and Alex Reynolds. Picture that, eh? Two blokes suddenly becoming best mates and deciding to have a good old rumble.
And who can forget the sight of Toni Storm strutting her stuff against Allysin Kay? Or Kyle Fletcher playing fisticuffs with Action Andretti? Riveting stuff, truly. I can barely contain my excitement.
But hold your horses, because the pièce de résistance was still to come. The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass – I kid you not, someone’s wrestling name is Daddy Ass – decided to team up against Kip Sabian, The Butcher and The Blade. A trios bout that’s just as chaotic as it sounds.
So, ladies and gents, that’s your whistle-stop tour of this special Saturday episode of Rampage. It’s been a wild ride, I tell ya. Until next time, keep your wrestling masks at the ready and your sarcasm levels topped up. Get ready for AEW Rampage Results May 13.
The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass vs. Kip Sabian, Butcher and Blade
Right, let’s get this over with then, shall we? The Acclaimed and good old Daddy Ass strutted their way into the ring to start the evening’s shenanigans. Meanwhile, their opponents were already waiting in the ring like eager beavers.
Anthony Bowens and Kip Sabian started the dance, but when The Blade tagged in, he found himself in a pickle. Seems he couldn’t quite handle the tag-team offence from Bowens and Max Caster. Poor chap. Maybe he forgot to eat his Wheaties that morning.
Meanwhile, the baddies of the piece, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, began to mock the so-called ‘scissoring taunts’ of their rivals. Honestly, the audacity of these lads. And they kept Bowens away from his team like a bunch of schoolyard bullies.
Then, out of nowhere, the former Smoking Gunn turned things around for his team. With a Mic Drop that had all the subtlety of a sonic boom, they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.
This match, as fun as it was, will probably end up in the dustbin of wrestling history. Good show though, decent action, and the right team won, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time.
Oh, and the winners, drumroll, please… The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass!
They get a solid B-. Not too shabby, eh?
Just a couple of noteworthy observations for you, my dear readers: Sabian’s hair was more punk than The Acclaimed’s gear. Talk about commitment to the aesthetic. And his moonsault? Top-notch.
The Butcher’s mockery of The Acclaimed was a sight to behold. Imagine a butcher trying to ballet dance – there you have it.
And let’s not forget Penelope Ford. AEW seems to use her in the same way my mum uses her best china – only on special occasions. It’s about time they gave her a proper push.
And finally, Gunn powerslammed The Butcher and made it look as easy as pie. Now that’s talent, folks.
Until next time, keep those wrestling boots shined and your sarcasm levels high. lets keep going with AEW Rampage Results May 13.
Toni Storm vs. Allysin Kay
Right, let’s set the scene. Kay, our plucky underdog, didn’t get the red carpet treatment for her entrance against Storm. Bit of a shame that, but she wasn’t about to play the victim. Oh no, not our Kay.
Despite Storm’s best efforts to knock her off her feet, Kay came back like a boomerang. She literally stomped Storm into the corner. Talk about girl power, eh?
But, here comes the twist. Saraya, the sneaky so-and-so, grabbed Kay’s boot, and Storm was back in the driver’s seat. Meanwhile, Ruby Soho and Saraya were having a jolly good time battering Kay at ringside while Storm distracted the ref. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, isn’t it?
And despite Kay’s Hulk-like strength and a few promising attacks, the tag team of Soho and Saraya was just too much. Storm, having had a decent go of it, won with Storm Zero. Kay, bless her cotton socks, put up more of a fight than most would’ve expected. So, at least it wasn’t a total whitewash.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner: Toni Storm. And she gets a C. Not bad, not bad at all.
Now for a few tidbits to chew on: Storm decided to mix things up a bit and swapped her usual shorts for some bell bottoms. A bold fashion statement, if I do say so myself.
And let’s not forget Kay’s fantastic selling skills. Her facial expressions and screams were so convincing, I almost believed she was in actual danger. Almost.
Lastly, Kay’s attempt at a seated pin was a decent try, but the execution was as slow as a snail on a leisurely stroll.
There you have it, folks. Another day, another wrestling match. I’m off for a cup of tea, but remember, keep those wrestling boots ready and your sarcasm sharp.
Action Andretti vs. Kyle Fletcher
Alright, it’s time for the third act of our evening, the wrestling equivalent of a Shakespearian tragedy. Enter stage left, one half of Aussie Open, Fletcher, to take on Andretti, while Darius Martin was flapping around at ringside. As for Mark Davis? He was missing in action. Maybe he was having a barbie.
Now, these two lads are young, spry, and full of the sort of potential that makes coaches weep with joy. Fletcher, the old hand at TV shenanigans, and Andretti, the agile gazelle of the duo, went toe to toe in a contest that was as physical as a rugby scrum.
Both lads pulled off some stunts that would make a stuntman question their career choices. Andretti, bless him, was trying his best to stand out in the crowd. But, alas, Fletcher was being groomed to challenge Orange Cassidy for the international title, so the writing was on the wall. The IWGP tag champ was destined to come out on top.
Everyone had their popcorn ready for a fun fight, but this match surpassed expectations like a racehorse on steroids. Both of these chaps are ones to watch.
And the winner is… drumroll, please… Kyle Fletcher! Good on ya, mate. He gets an A-. Top marks.
But before we wrap things up, here are a few tidbits: Fletcher’s been getting more solo gigs in AEW and ROH lately. Tony Khan clearly sees something in him. Maybe he’s got the magic touch.
Andretti, on the other hand, looks as comfortable on a springboard as a duck in water. The lad’s got agility to spare. Even when he lost his balance after a split-leg moonsault, he recovered like a cat landing on its feet.
Last but not least, Andretti’s superplex was a sight to behold. But the springboard 450 that followed? Even more impressive.
And there you have it. Another thrilling night of wrestling. Until next time, keep those wrestling boots polished and your sarcasm at the ready. by far my favorite match on AEW Rampage Results May 13.
The Mogul Embassy vs. Dark Order
So, there I was, minding my own business when John Silver and Alex Reynolds, representing the ever-joyful Dark Order, squared off against Swerve Strickland and Brian Cage. Quite a sight, that.
Evil Uno and Prince Nana were at ringside, probably trying to catch a tan under the spotlights or something. Meanwhile, Kaun and Toa Liona, despite having made an appearance in the pre-match interview, were conspicuous by their absence. Maybe they got lost on the way to the ring.
The match started with Reynolds and Strickland having what can only be described as a high-energy tango. Then, Silver and Cage, not to be outdone, took turns striking poses like a couple of peacocks in mating season. Headscissor takeovers, bodyslams, you name it, they did it. Quite the variety show, it was.
It was a standard AEW tag team match, nothing more, nothing less. Both teams gave it their all, but the Mogul Embassy seemed to have The Dark Order playing defence more often than not.
In the end, Cage and Swerve emerged victorious and were joined by Kaun and Liona for a little post-match beatdown of Evil Uno. That is, until Keith Lee and Dustin Rhodes swooped in for the save.
And the winners, in case you missed it, were the Mogul Embassy. They get a solid B. AEW Rampage Results May 13
But let’s take a moment to reflect on a few things. Swerve seems rather pleased with his new team, calling them an ‘upgrade’. Well, good for him.
And then there’s Silver. He’s a star, that one. AEW really should do more with him.
Cage, on the other hand, is annoyingly versatile for a man his size. Why he’s not being pushed as a major singles threat is a mystery.
And we mustn’t forget the fantastic double-team sequences from Silver and Reynolds. Top notch, those.
Finally, let’s talk about Prince Nana. He was grabbing Silver’s foot right in front of the ref, and nothing happened. This should not be an issue, but it keeps popping up. Maybe they need glasses.
And there you have it. Another wrestling match, another day. Until next time, keep your wrestling boots clean and your sarcasm levels high.
In conclusion, if you missed this recent AEW Rampage Results May 13 wrestling extravaganza, you’ve really let yourself down. Each match was more thrilling than a roller coaster ride, with wrestlers flying about the ring like highly athletic popcorn. From The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass’s triumphant victory to the Mogul Embassy’s dominating performance, the night was filled with more high-energy exchanges than a caffeine addict’s coffee run.
And let’s not forget about our dear friends at the Dark Order, who put on quite the show, despite coming up short in the end. Toni Storm, the bell-bottom-wearing warrior, managed to pull off a win against Kay, proving that style and skill can indeed coexist. And lastly, the match between Fletcher and Andretti, which was nothing short of a spectacle, with both young men showing off their impressive wrestling chops.
Oh, so you missed it? That’s a shame. The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass clinched victory, showing their opponents how it’s done.
Yes, indeed she did. In a dazzling display of bell-bottomed brilliance, Storm reigned supreme over Kay.
Well, Fletcher did, of course. The lad showed off his wrestling prowess and secured a well-deserved win.
Unfortunately not. Despite their best efforts, the Dark Order were left in the dust by the Mogul Embassy.
That would be Kyle Fletcher. The lad truly put on a show, securing a win and leaving quite the impression.
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